I haven’t paid myself in a year.
Originally sent exclusively to The Letter subscribers on April 8th. Want to be the first to get my personal newsletter in your inbox every Monday at 7am? Subscribe for free here.
Morning gang, this is edition 100 of the weekly letters. If you joined me on week 1 or only very recently, thank you for reading.
It’s a life of service. That’s the entrepreneur’s life.
One day, a few of you will get a liquidity event. A reward. A brief moment of calm… before you go again. Or die. Many of you will see death as the end.
Putting our trotters up is not really how we roll.
You always feel like you’re nearly there. And “nearly there” is what keeps you in the game.
Optimus is what got us going. Bundles of of it.
Because deep down, you’re not doing it for money. It’s a calling, not a wealth grab.
A few wins along the way are enough to keep you going.
If that sounds like a chapter in your story, read on.
The past year has been one of the toughest I’ve had.
I’ve taken punches I didn’t see coming. Again and again.
Some days, you can see it on my face. I try to shake it off. I really do. But sometimes it gets to me.
You see the version of me on YouTube and Instagram. I am optimistic. But experience has made me a more realistic optimist. Less exciting, but far more truthful.
Because this is what actually happens to entrepreneurs. You go through the 4 stages…
Uninformed optimism.
Informed pessimism.
Valley of despair.
Then, informed optimism.
There have been days where I’ve genuinely questioned why I do it.
I’ve been in this game over 20 years. I know the deal. I know the punches shape your future. But a tough year is still a tough year.
If you’re in that place, a notebook and thinking time are your best tools. Then come the awkward conversations. The ones you avoid.
They’re never as bad as you think.
The nerves, the butterflies… they matter. They mean you care.
And you can handle it. We’re all stronger than we think.
I don’t know anyone who has built anything meaningful without trade-offs. Trade-offs are the currency of this life.
Here’s one I’ve been wrestling with this week.
My family went away. I didn’t go.
Partly my knee. Airports would have been hard work. Fair enough.
But the truth is, I wouldn’t have been good company anyway.
So I stayed back.
And after a few days, the guilt crept in.
I missed those moments with my kids and my wife. Moments I won’t get back.
I should have gone.
But instead, I worked. Tried to fix things. Solve things.
That’s how I’m wired.
And I love them deeply. That’s the tension.
That’s the trade-off.
Growing a business while missing parts of life that matter most.
And the reality is, I’d have been “on the phone” anyway.
The core challenge right now is cash flow.
Getting knocked is hard. And the bigger you get, the less you can fix it on your own.
This week I found out we’re owed nearly £2 million. By companies far bigger than us.
At the same time, wage costs are crushing businesses in my sectors.
I could slash jobs like the big corporates do. That’s always the last resort for me. Short term cuts can be hugely damaging.
Instead, I absorb the pain.
I haven’t paid myself in a year.
In fact, I’ve done the opposite.
I’ve put money in. From property sales, savings, refinancing assets. Everything I can.
All to keep things moving. To improve. To find a way through.
It’s exhausting.
But I’d sell my house and my car to feed my company. Because I know in a year we will all be great again. I will will it to happen. I have seen it. I am informed with optimism.
Because that’s the deal.
As an entrepreneur, you eat last.
But here’s what I know.
Delayed gratification always pays.
It always does.
Have you heard the sad news about the chinaman that invented the camera lens? He died. Rest in peace “Zoom-in”.
Till next week - keep smiling.
To your continued success,
James.
P.S. Guys, the Retreat is filling up with incredible entrepreneurs and there are limited spaces left. If you have any questions, click here and one of the team will get back to you!